Retire in Style: The Best Funny Retirement Gifts for a Laughing Goodbye

Retirement is a major milestone in anyone’s life. It marks the end of a long and fulfilling career, and the beginning of a new chapter filled with leisure, relaxation, and exploration. It’s a time to celebrate all the hard work and dedication that has brought us to this point, and to look forward to the adventures that lie ahead. And what better way to celebrate retirement than with a funny gift?

Whether it’s a humorous t-shirt, a silly hat, or a gag gift that will make them laugh out loud, a funny retirement gift is the perfect way to show your appreciation and send them off with a smile. But with so many options out there, it can be hard to know where to begin. That’s where we come in.

In this blog, we’ll take a look at some of the funniest retirement gifts on the market, and give you some tips on how to choose the perfect present for your retiree.

So sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh as we explore the wonderful world of funny retirement gifts!

Retirement Newspaper

1- Retirement Newspaper

at etsy

At his age, you can bet he subscribes to an actual paper newspaper that some poor sap has to deliver to him on a bike. Poke fun at his old-timey ways and give him a souvenir of his retirement party he’s not soon to forget with this clever personalized paper.

You're Only Old Once Book Funny Retirement Gifts

2- You’re Only Old Once Book

at amazon

You’re only young once sure, but you’re only old once, too! Dr. Seuss has perfectly captured the whimsical magic that comes with being advanced in age in this delightfully illustrated book.

A Personalized Bobblehead

3- A Personalized Bobblehead

at etsy

An old man can never have enough tchotchkes, especially when he’s the star of one. This custom bobblehead is handcrafted from resin and turns him into an 8” tall statuette usually reserved for athletic powerhouses. It’s hand-painted so well it’s like looking in a mirror.

Whatever I'm Retired Clock Funny Retirement Gifts

4- Whatever I’m Retired Clock

at etsy

Time is a flat circle and to a retiree, that circle doesn’t even need to have numbers. Every hour is happy hour and every time is the perfect time for a nap with this hilarious, slightly scattered handmade clock on the wall.

How Not to Become a Crocthety Old Man

5- How Not to Become a Crocthety Old Man

at amazon

Have you experienced an urge to call young people “whippersnappers”? Have you picked out a favorite pair of suspenders? You may be in danger of becoming a crotchety old man. Read this book ASAP before you start yelling at kids to get off your lawn.

Warning! Retired Person On Premises Sign Funny Retirement Gifts

6- Warning! Retired Person On Premises Sign

at amazon

Folks will come knocking a lot less often with this sign on the door. And is that really such a bad thing? The rusted look makes it look all the more intimidating. Finally, your Saturday naps will be uninterrupted by doorbell rings.

License to Chill Retirement Certificate

7- License to Chill Retirement Certificate

at etsy

He’s a guy that likes to follow regulations. He’s not always the best at going with the flow. Upon his retirement, present him with this printable certificate and he’ll take it as the permission he needs to put his feet up.

Personalized Retirement Caricature Guest Book Funny Retirement Gifts

8- Personalized Retirement Caricature Guest Book

at etsy

Say “see you later” to a treasured coworker about to take a new step with a caricature they’ll never forget. This one features a funny drawing of them front and center and has a wide matte for hundreds of messages from adoring coworkers wishing them well.

Unforgettable Senior Moments Page-A-Day Funny Calendar

9- 389* Unforgettable Senior Moments Page-A-Day Funny Calendar

at amazon

Make sure pops never misses a moment with the Senior Moment calendar. Sure, there are only 365 days in the year but this calendar has 389 in case they forget they already turned the page.

Officially Retired Tiara Funny Retirement Gifts

10- Officially Retired Tiara

at amazon

Call it her sapphire jubilee and crown her the queen of it with a bejeweled tiara that’ll make the party that much sparklier. Perfect for the retiree who was the former office queen, this gorgeous hairpiece fit easily thanks to a pair of combs.

Official Retirement Hat

11- Official Retirement Hat

at amazon

Who has two thumbs and is ready to rumble, wait, retire? The dude that’s wearing this fisherman-style hat. It’ll help him reel in the best parts of this new “career” like opening a beer, blocking the sun for naps, and let’s be real, looking hella fine.

Personalized I'm Done Retirement Fork Funny Retirement Gifts

12- Personalized I’m Done Retirement Fork

at etsy

He’s not a turkey, he’s not a steak but your boy is still done! Stick this fork in him (figuratively, of course) and celebrate with the dinner of a lifetime. It’s hand stamped with love and the date of their retirement.

Retirement the First 365 Days

13- Retirement the First 365 Days

at amazon

The first year of retirement is going to fly by a lot faster than expected and it’s important for a new retiree to make the most of it. This book guides them through the ins and outs of the first 365 days to ensure they get the max out of all the days beyond that.

Custom Face Retirement Socks Funny Retirement Gifts

14- Custom Face Retirement Socks

at etsy

Wish him a happy retirement from the whole crew with a pair of socks bearing all your faces. Add up to three to this breathable pair that’s bright, bold, and available with your choice of background color. And the faces on these socks will never complain that his feet stink!

Retirement Rules Funny Sign

15- Retirement Rules Funny Sign

at etsy

After 65 there are a whole new set of rules and they have nothing to do with Denny’s early bird specials. No, these are words to live by and they’re all captured here in this rustic wooden plaque. They really will help him get the most out of his new life.

Funny Retirement Travel Tumbler Funny Retirement Gifts

16- Funny Retirement Travel Tumbler

at etsy

Sip with a little smugness at your grandkid’s next soccer game from this tumbler. It’s more than a stylish addition to your insulated travel items. It’s a reminder that you’ll be the golden oldie cheering the loudest. Don’t forget to personalize so everyone recognizes you.

How Retirees Tell Time WineCoffee Shelf

17- How Retirees Tell Time Wine/Coffee Shelf

at amazon

There are very few important times for a retiree and this clever rack highlights two of them. One, morning time aka coffee time. Two, evening time aka wine time. Lunch and dinner are in there somewhere too but it’s all about the drinks really.

Do Whatever The Hell I Want Funny Mug Funny Retirement Gifts

18- Do Whatever The Hell I Want Funny Mug

at amazon

By the look of this mug, a retiree has a truly enviable to-do list. Who among us wouldn’t want to do whatever whenever? Treat them to this mug and maybe they’ll be nice enough not to rub it in that you still have to go work.

Eat Drink and Be Retired Cutting Board

19- Eat Drink and Be Retired Cutting Board

at etsy

Eat, drink, and be merry, for today, you’re a retiree! Woo! Party it up! Chop some citrus on this high-quality cutting board and don’t forget to check out the cool personalizations. It’s available in several styles and wood colors to fit all kinds of retirees.

Retired AF Socks Funny Retirement Gifts

20- Retired AF Socks

at etsy

Retired AF. Cover up the RE and what do you get? Tired AF. Retired, tired, or both, these cozy socks will deliver a retiree the kind of nap they’ve been waiting years to enjoy.

Every Hour is Happy Hour Funny Bottle Opener

21- Every Hour is Happy Hour Funny Bottle Opener

at etsy

If you think about it, it really is five o’clock everywhere at least once and that means this bottle opener is true. Happy hour is every hour and with this stainless steel piece in hand, he can make it whenever he chooses.

I'm Retired and You're Not Apron Funny Retirement Gifts

22- I’m Retired and You’re Not Apron

at amazon

A great way to show off their new retirement. This is particularly appropriate for a grill master or baker. They can wear their apron while they work in the kitchen or while they get everything together for a great cookout. Regardless, they’ll be able to put this to use and it’ll be a gift that lasts beyond the first week or two of retirement.

I'm Retired Go Around Me Bumper Sticker

23- I’m Retired Go Around Me Bumper Sticker

at amazon

There’s no reason to rush. Not anymore. This bumper sticker will let everyone know that there’s no need to lay on the horn or tailgate. The results are not going to change because there’s nothing so urgent as getting to where you’re going in one piece. The perfect giggle gift.

Retired Sash Funny Retirement Gifts

24- Retired Sash

at amazon

Every good beauty queen gets a sash, too. Not only will they be crowned and sashed for the entire night, but they may pick up scrapbooking during retirement. This will be a great little addition to a scrapbooking page. It will go nicely with pictures and other mementos from the evening. All this without trying to salvage a sweetener packet or a cocktail napkin.

Officially Retired Sleep Mask

25- Officially Retired Sleep Mask

at amazon

A humorous slant on the traditional face mask. It’ll probably sit on the nightstand and get used a few times before it’s finally placed in the archives. A great add on for a gift card or other gift that will get a little use in the early stages of retirement. Who knows, you may introduce them to a new luxury they hadn’t considered before.

101 Fun Things to Do in Retirement Funny Retirement Gifts

26- 101 Fun Things to Do in Retirement

at amazon

101 Things to Do in Retirement isn’t an all-encompassing list, it’s a starting point. It’s packed with activities to get retirees started with having fun and inspire them to seek out new things to do and new experiences.

Funny Retirement Card

27- Funny Retirement Card

at etsy

When a man has been promoted to RIC (Retiree in Chief) he deserves a proper intro to his new business card. This bright yellow file folder-looking card will introduce him to a whole new phrase: NMP aka Not My Problem.

What You Don't Know About Retirement Quiz Book Funny Retirement Gifts

28- What You Don’t Know About Retirement Quiz Book

at amazon

So you think you’re smarter than a 67-year-old who’s been through that retirement transition before? Find out with What You Don’t Know About Retirement, a hilarious and comprehensive quiz guide to getting older.

Official Retirement Papers

29- Official Retirement Papers

at etsy

He’s done with that POS job and with the delivery of these official retirement papers, that POS job is officially done with him. Not only can he wipe his hands off his job with this gag gift, but he can also wipe his bum with it too.

O-FISH-Ally Retired Funny Shirt Funny Retirement Gifts

30- O-FISH-Ally Retired Funny Shirt

at etsy

Chances are he’s a dad, maybe even a grandad, and that means he will appreciate the pun on this shirt all the more. When he’s out at the pond, it’s a comfortable and easy to clean wear for all his leisure activities.


In Conclusion Retirement is a time to reflect on a long and successful career, but it’s also a time to have some fun and let loose. And what better way to do that than with a funny retirement gift?

Whether it’s a clever pun, a silly gag, or a humorous keepsake, a funny retirement gift is the perfect way to show your retiree that you care. In this blog, we’ve explored some of the best funny retirement gifts on the market, from personalized retirement mugs to hilarious retirement t-shirts.

We’ve also shared some tips on how to choose the perfect present for your retiree, based on their personality, interests, and sense of humor. So whether you’re looking for a gift for your boss, your coworker, or your family member, we hope that our guide has helped you find the perfect present to send them off with a smile. And remember, retirement may mark the end of a career, but it’s just the beginning of a new adventure. So let’s celebrate in style, with lots of laughter and plenty of good cheer!


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